For one year, I will be doing something new, something for change, something for personal growth every week. Because I have no idea when my last day on this planet is, because there are so many things I want to experience, and because and I am ever-striving for balance and joy in myself and the world, I will walk through 52 Open Doors. My children and other life responsibilities are still very real, and very important; much of what I'm doing here is learning to live freely within the confines of "normal" life. The pieces of this project will not (cannot) interfere with my life as a mother and decent human being, so I will more or less spend "working hours" doing these things, with a few exceptions. Things change all the time, so I am open to some of my plans for this year being altered, but here are some examples of things you will likely hear about over the coming year. The journey begins Monday, June 11, 2012.
- A week in Appalachia, studying and participating in the music and life of America's origins
- A week on a farm
- A week with gorillas
- A week of five ways to make a little money quickly and ethically
- A week of protesting
- A week of unplanned travel, seeking live music at night
- A week in photography
- A week being a private investigator (I've secretly always wanted to be a spy!)
- And many more....
All my life, I felt as though I was running in a hamster wheel...a very cluttered hamster wheel. Interested in so much, and completely uninterested in just as much, I could never seem to nail down what it was I wanted to "do with my life". Adults seemed disappointed and constantly frustrated; friends were deciding in high school what their path was- and taking it. I wanted to be far too many things, do far too many things. The idea of choosing a career path, or life path, or even a primary passion seemed virtually impossible. I became the perpetual victim, the depressive, the broken girl with "so much potential". Ugh. Intelligent and imaginative, I was still always on the Road to Nowhere. I was desperately afraid of death and loss, increasingly uncomfortable with life, and knowing only that it couldn't go on that way forever...I hoped.
Spirituality was the foot in the door. My dearest friend, Tim, and his last months on earth, gave me a completely new sense of what it meant to live- and too that death is simply something that happens to us all. Inevitability should never be feared. What good can possibly come of that? I learned to start living here, now. My boyfriend was an essential part of furthering the journey on the Road to Consciousness- far more beautiful than the Road to Nowhere, let me tell you. I'm learning. With children and a renewed sense of life, I am off and running, writing essays as well, which has become a passion so worth having. We are all going to die. Truth. However, it's amazing how alive you can feel when you choose to live.
I will be posting through the week, as I experience things on a daily basis. Before the next week's project begins, I will post an account of the week as a whole. I welcome comments on any and all posts through this year; I would love to have feedback and to see a dialogue begin with other readers. Reader's can also send personal stories related to this project to me at breana729@gmail.com, which will then be posted in Reader Stories.
